The 2009 Road Rage Award goes to Dr. Christopher Thomas Thompson, 59. The doctor wins for speeding past two cyclists, slamming on his brakes, causing one to hit the rear window of his red Infiniti, and the other to suffer a separated shoulder. Dr. Thompson, unable to bear the (one-second, two-seconds, three-seconds) wait to pass the cyclists (who were riding 30 mph) decided he needed to “teach them a lesson” according to the police officer’s testimony at his trial in Los Angeles. Now Dr. Thompson will have to suffer the wait of 5 years in prison for his crimes against the two cyclists.Unfortunately cycling champion Ron Peterson, 40, suffered a severed nose, loss of teeth, and cuts across his face. His companion Christian Stoehr, 29, had to have surgery on his separated shoulder.

Some driver’s seem to get a schadenfreude kick out of scaring cyclists. Some will open their car door in front of an on-coming cyclist, then quickly close it. Cyclists pedal on with racing hearts hearing the violator’s fading laughter. Some drivers come up quietly behind the bicycle, then rev the engine loudly. Others drive by and throw things at cyclists like water bottles, trash and cigarettes. My husband, a cyclist, was the victim of a drive-by taco toss. Colorado passed a law making it a class 2 misdemeanor for a motorist to throw an object at a cyclist. Other states have passed laws to protect cyclists as well.

In some communities the hostility between motorists and cyclists has exploded into violence. Many motorists assume cycling fatalities are due to cyclists recklessness. In fact, according to a Toronto study, 90% of cycling fatalities are caused by motorist errors. Frightened cyclists attacked a car after the driver slammed into a group of riders at a Critical Mass cycling event in Seattle. Critical Mass and other groups around the world attempt to change community attitudes to encourage road sharing and safety.

If you get angry at cyclists impeding your speedy progress down the road, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can I peacefully share the road with slower-moving vehicles?
• Am I stressed, worried or mad about something else in my life?
• Am I angry because cyclists seem to have more fun than I do?
• Am I mad because cyclists make me feel bad about myself for not getting enough exercise?
• Am I blaming them for my failure to allow more travel time?
• Is the effort it takes to lift my right foot up to apply pressure to the brake really that big of a deal?

These questions should help you identify your needs and take better care of yourself. If you have hostile fantasies toward cyclists, as Dr. Thompson probably did, then you need anger management training. Hostile obsessions threaten your serenity, health and happiness.

Most motorists would never do anything violent toward a cyclist.Yet sometimes accidents happen. British Psychologist Ian Walker, an expert in traffic psychology, found that people have a very limited ability to receive visual information. If you’re really good, like Sherlock Holmes, you can see 3 points per second. A motorist planning a right turn might look at the oncoming traffic (one point) the traffic light (second point) and the direction he’s turning (third point). Even a non-hostile, well meaning driver will often miss a cyclist approaching on the right.

Dr. Walker found that drivers develop expectations. If a driver expects to see only cars, she’ll miss the toddler’s three wheeler on the street. Dr. Walker also found that drivers see cyclists as like pedestrians, underestimating their speed. In studies by Walker and others, they found that formal hand signals used by cyclists were misunderstood at the rate of 20%. So even if a cyclist obeys all the rules of the road, many motorists won’t get the message. For some reason, driver’s response times slow down when they are trying to read the signals of a cyclist. This increases the likelihood that the driver will fail to respond in the time available.

So what’s a driver to do to prevent accidents?

• Never get behind the wheel when you’re angry.
• Keep your eyes scanning all mirrors.
• Drive the speed limit and obey traffic signs.
• Don’t drive while sleepy or intoxicated.

If you’re a cyclist you can increase your safety by:

• Traveling on bike lanes and in areas where other cyclists frequently travel.
• Using a blinking light, even during the day.
• Wearing reflective clothing.
• Refraining from riding while sleepy or intoxicated.

For more safety tips join a local bike club or check out these tips at BicycleSafe.com. Both motorists and cyclists should learn that reactivity breeds dysfunction. The more we react to someone else’s bad behavior the more the whole situation turns FUBAR. When we smile, apologize and express concern for others we can calm most hostile encounters. You don’t want to end up the Road Rage Award Winner for 2010.

So you drive to work, start to change lanes (without glancing back over your shoulder) only to notice another car speeding toward you. You correct the error and quickly steer back to your original lane. The other driver speeds by giving you the middle finger salute. Perhaps your heart races a bit. You feel insulted, a little foolish and maybe angry. Yes getting “flipped off” inspires hostility in the receiver of the nasty gesture. I once watched two middle-aged adults in a flip-off contest, each trying to out shout and out gesture the other in an absurd display of immaturity. Funny to watch, in a bad-television-sit-com kind of way.

We find evidence of the insulting middle finger gesture in writings from ancient Greece and Rome. Fans of the Click and Clack radio program will get a kick out of the urban legend they created on the origins of the “Pluck Yew.” Most cultures find the gesture insulting. In France if you give the V-sign with the back of the hand out it translates as “up yours.” The A-OK sign, with thumb and first finger making an O, offends people in Latin American countries. And our cheerful thumbs-up gesture infuriates those from Australia, Bangladesh and most Islamic nations. In the U.S. some have been arrested and convicted for use of the middle finger gesture although most cases were overturned on appeal.

But the real power of the middle finger salute might surprise you. According to new research, “extending the finger in response to an annoying behavior may increase one’s perception of others apparent hostility, potentially justifying further aggressive responses.” (Chandler & Schwarz, 2008). When we use the middle finger we actually see others as more hostile. Likewise, using the thumbs-up sign can cause us to see others as friendlier (Note to troops:  don’t try this in Iraq or Afghanistan).

If you want to avoid escalating conflict, try a gesture that will make you feel better: Smile. When you smile facial muscles send messages to your brain priming you to feel better. Others think you look more attractive and will likely smile back. You can start a whole upward spiral of feel-good emotions using far less energy than flipping the digitus impudicus.

After a child commits murder we typically see news stories portraying these kids as normal one day and crazy the next. This sells papers, raises your tension level and keeps you watching. The reality is far more disturbing.  Usually the child demonstrates years of disturbing conduct before he or she commits murder. Teachers, friends, parents and relatives all avoid doing anything constructive about disturbing thinking and behavior until it’s too late. Children who kill most frequently come from severe neglect and abuse. Many see killing as a way to get control and power over others. Some possess a primitive hunger to simply be seen, recognized or noticed.

Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence says there are seven key abilities which are the most important for humans to acquire: The ability to motivate ourselves, to persist against frustration, to delay gratification, to regulate moods, to hope, to empathize, and to control impulse. Children and adults who commit cold blooded murder often lack all of these characteristics. Obviously, a lack of motivation, hope, impulse control, etc., shows up in a child’s behavior long before a gun is used.

I once treated a victim of child abuse who told me a poignant story. One time at a restaurant with her parents, aunts, and grandparents, while listening to the usual barrage of verbal abuse from the family “you stupid, ugly, worthless, useless, good-for-nothing…” she noticed a kind looking woman at the next table who looked at her and smiled. The little girl felt embarrassed that this woman could obviously hear all of the hateful words coming from her relatives. Yet, strangely, even though her parents were talking about how terrible she was, this kind woman continued to smile at her. What happened next gave her the most incredible feeling of joy and relief. This kind stranger, as she was leaving the restaurant, approached the little girl at her table. She wore the same relaxed smile, which meant so much to the little girl. The woman lowered herself to eye level with the little girl and said “you are the most polite, well-behaved, beautiful little girl I have ever seen. Your good manners should make your parents very proud. You should be very proud of yourself to.” Then this woman shook the little girl’s hand, smiled at her chagrined family and left. The little girl was seven years old when this happened. When I saw her she was 23 and that one event changed her life. She realized with the help of this kind stranger, that she had worth, and that there was something very wrong with her family. This kind woman gave her hope. Our rudeness and hostility can be a trigger for someone walking on the edge between sanity and madness. In contrast, our kindness, attention and positive action can save lives. Let’s pay attention to the children around us. We can and do make a difference.